Walking in the snow the other day I saw a greening bud on a shrub, pointing straight up toward the sky. Even in the midst of a freeze, it reached for it's hopeful future. This is a tendency intrinsic to the bud. Intrinsic to me as well. As a child in Upstate New York, my February birthdays were always dark, snowy days. I was often sick. I remember that many of those birthdays, while blowing out the candles on my cake, I made the same wish. For many childhood years I earnestly wished to be happy.
As the victim of early childhood sexual trauma, I was intensely unhappy. My sisters provided the best relief from that, laughing together... and I knew a happy life was possible. I knew because I watched the Lucille Ball show! She certainly was happy, or when wasn't, she was making others happy. What a delightful life. As a matter of fact, I definitely relied on TV sitcoms for a source of inspiration and hope. I also knew God meant for us to have abundant life.
On one birthday, perhaps my twelfth, my mother brought me a puppy from the pound. He was adorable! He was a bundle of black fur and excited movement, kinda shaky. I named him Shakes. I was sick that week, as usual, so I was at home to love my Shakes during his first week with me. I loved watching him and cuddling him. As the week passed, however, he seemed to act stranger, shakier... until finally he was chasing his tail and foaming at the mouth. My mother took him back to the pound and he never returned. I was not asked how I felt or if I wanted another dog. Sad.
But now, I finally have my puppy, over 40 years later! He is sunshine to me on the darkest days. I also have real sunshine today, my birthday once again. 54 years. So many years. So much healing. Thank God!
Now, excuse me as I go walk in sunshine with my dear pup.
